Introduction: The Strange Habits of Covert Narcissists

Covert narcissists are masters of subtle manipulation and emotional control. Unlike their more overt counterparts, their behavior is harder to detect, especially in the early stages of a relationship. However, if you’ve interacted with a covert narcissist, you might notice some peculiar habits that seem off. In this article, we’ll dive into six unusual habits that covert narcissists commonly display. Understanding these can help you identify covert narcissism in your relationships.

1. Constant Boredom with People and Things

One of the strangest habits of a covert narcissist is their tendency to get bored quickly. They get excited over new possessions, relationships, or hobbies, but that enthusiasm fades fast. You might notice they obsess over getting the latest gadget or car, only to lose interest soon after. The same happens in their relationships—they idealize people at first, but as soon as the novelty wears off, they move on or distance themselves. This endless pursuit of “the next best thing” mirrors how they treat people.

2. A Lack of Humor or a Selective Sense of Humor

Covert narcissists often lack a natural sense of humor, which can present itself in two ways. Some are socially awkward and struggle to understand jokes or sarcasm. They may miss the punchline altogether, making interactions uncomfortable. Others may laugh along with friends but go stone-faced when you tell a similar joke. This inconsistency might make you wonder if they’re faking their reactions to blend in socially. Their humor seems performative, more about fitting in than genuinely enjoying the moment.

3. Extreme Privacy and Emotional Guarding

Covert narcissists are notoriously private, even with those closest to them. They keep personal details to themselves, making it hard for you to really know them. They also maintain a distance from friends and family, ensuring that no one gets close enough to witness their abusive tendencies. While they may still engage with these people, they keep relationships superficial. This habit is rooted in their insecurity and fear of exposure—they can’t risk others seeing behind their carefully constructed façade.

4. Gossiping and Disparaging Friends

Another common habit is the covert narcissist’s tendency to gossip about friends behind their backs. Even their closest companions aren’t spared. After spending time with someone, they’ll criticize and belittle that person, revealing secrets or making harsh judgments. This behavior serves a dual purpose: it allows them to feel superior and sows distrust among their social circle, ensuring that no one forms alliances strong enough to challenge their control. If they ever feel threatened by exposure, they’ve already laid the groundwork to discredit others.

5. Porn Addiction or Obsessive Behavior

Many covert narcissists—particularly men—struggle with porn addiction. This compulsive behavior can be hidden or out in the open, but it often reaches obsessive levels. They may spend hours engaging with adult content, sometimes to the point of it interfering with their daily lives. For some, this addiction leads to issues like erectile dysfunction, further complicating their intimate relationships. The addiction is not just about pleasure; it’s another way to assert control and escape from real emotional connection.

6. Manipulation Through Sex or Withholding Intimacy

Sex plays a strange role in a covert narcissist’s life. They either use it as a tool for control or engage in it obsessively. If they’re withholding sex, they do so to manipulate their partner’s behavior, making you feel like you need to earn their affection. On the other hand, some covert narcissists seem addicted to sex, demanding it at inappropriate times. For instance, they might expect intimacy during moments of emotional distress, like when you’re grieving or stressed. Refusing them often leads to tantrums or emotional outbursts, leaving you feeling obligated to comply just to avoid conflict.

Conclusion: Recognizing the Patterns

If any of these habits sound familiar, it’s possible you’ve been dealing with a covert narcissist. While these habits alone may not confirm narcissism, they are part of a larger pattern of manipulative and controlling behavior. I’ve encountered many people who share these same experiences, and it’s eye-opening to see how these subtle behaviors can go unnoticed until it’s too late. If you’re curious to learn more about this topic, I recommend watching this insightful video: 6 Weird Habits of a Covert Narcissist. Their insights may help you gain further clarity on what you’re experiencing.