How to Deal with Religious Narcissists: Jesus’ Wisdom
Encountering religious narcissists can be both frustrating and confusing. These individuals often appear devout, well-versed in religious teachings, and dedicated to spiritual practices. However, beneath their seemingly pious exterior lies a deep need for control, admiration, and validation. They are not driven by a genuine love for God but by their own narcissistic tendencies, which often involve manipulation and hypocrisy. In this article, we explore a colorful passage from the Bible where Jesus calls out religious narcissists of His time, offering profound lessons on how we should respond to such individuals.
What Is a Religious Narcissist?
A religious narcissist is someone who uses their faith as a cover to feed their ego and need for admiration. They may attend prayer meetings, quote Bible verses, and even teach others. However, their actions often contradict their words. Narcissists, especially in a religious context, thrive on validation and power. They may create a facade of godliness while manipulating others to serve their needs.
Jesus encountered many religious narcissists in His time, particularly among the Pharisees and religious leaders. These individuals outwardly practiced their faith but were filled with pride, hatred, and hypocrisy. Jesus’ confrontations with them in the Gospels provide valuable lessons for us today, as many of these traits are still evident in modern-day religious narcissists.
The Traits of Religious Narcissists
Religious narcissists are characterized by several key traits: – **Arrogance**: They view themselves as superior to others, often believing they have a unique relationship with God. – **Entitlement**: They feel they deserve special treatment, respect, and admiration from those around them. – **Lack of empathy**: They struggle to genuinely care about others’ struggles, focusing instead on maintaining their image. – **Manipulation**: They twist words, teachings, and relationships to ensure they remain in control.
In Matthew 23, Jesus directly addresses the hypocrisy of the religious leaders and provides guidance on how to respond when faced with similar individuals.
Jesus Calls Out Religious Narcissists in Matthew 23
In this chapter, Jesus delivers a powerful rebuke to the religious leaders of His time. He exposes their hypocrisy and warns the crowds and His disciples not to follow their example. Let’s dive into the key lessons Jesus teaches about dealing with religious narcissists.
1. Recognize Their Hypocrisy
Jesus begins by pointing out that these religious leaders “preach but do not practice.” They may say all the right things, but their actions betray their words. Religious narcissists often use their knowledge of scripture and religious practices to gain admiration and influence. However, their lives are not aligned with the teachings they proclaim.
In Matthew 23:3, Jesus advises, “Do and observe whatever they tell you, but not the works they do.” In other words, while their teachings may sometimes align with the truth, their behavior does not. This is a critical distinction when dealing with religious narcissists. You may still learn valuable lessons from them, but do not follow their example.
2. Avoid the Burden of Unrealistic Expectations
Jesus continues by saying that these leaders “tie up heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to move them with their finger” (Matthew 23:4). Religious narcissists often place unrealistic expectations on others, demanding strict adherence to rules and religious rituals while failing to live up to those same standards.
They thrive on creating an atmosphere where people feel inadequate or guilty for not meeting their high expectations. However, Jesus emphasizes that their demands are not from a place of love or care but from a desire to control. It’s important to recognize this manipulation and not allow it to weigh you down.
3. Watch Out for Their Love of Appearances
Religious narcissists are often obsessed with maintaining an image of spirituality. Jesus highlights this by saying, “They do all their deeds to be seen by others” (Matthew 23:5). Whether it’s through grand public prayers, elaborate religious rituals, or constant discussions about their spiritual experiences, their primary goal is to appear righteous.
However, Jesus warns us that true spirituality is not about outward appearances but about the condition of the heart. Religious narcissists may look holy, but their hearts are filled with pride and self-interest. Jesus compares them to “whitewashed tombs”—clean and beautiful on the outside but full of decay on the inside (Matthew 23:27).
How Should We Respond to Religious Narcissists?
After exposing the traits of religious narcissists, Jesus provides guidance on how to respond when encountering such individuals. His teachings remind us to focus on humility, servant-heartedness, and true spiritual leadership.
1. Do Not Seek Titles and Positions of Power
One of the key ways religious narcissists gain power is through titles and positions of authority. Jesus warns against this mindset, saying, “You are not to be called Rabbi, for you have one teacher, and you are all brothers” (Matthew 23:8). In other words, do not seek to elevate yourself above others or desire positions of spiritual superiority.
Jesus calls for humility and equality among His followers. Instead of striving for recognition, we should focus on serving one another and following the true Teacher, who is Christ.
2. Look to God as Your Spiritual Father
Religious narcissists often position themselves as spiritual authorities, expecting others to submit to their leadership without question. However, Jesus reminds us that “you have one Father, who is in heaven” (Matthew 23:9). We are not obligated to follow those who are hypocritical and manipulative in their spiritual leadership.
When encountering religious narcissists, it’s essential to maintain your relationship with God as your ultimate source of guidance and wisdom. Trust in God’s leadership and not in the manipulations of those who misuse their spiritual authority.
3. Embrace Humility and Servant Leadership
Perhaps the most significant lesson Jesus gives in this passage is the importance of humility. He says, “The greatest among you shall be your servant. Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted” (Matthew 23:11-12). Religious narcissists seek to exalt themselves, but Jesus calls us to serve others.
True greatness in the Kingdom of God comes not from seeking power but from serving with humility. This stands in stark contrast to the behavior of religious narcissists, who are always striving for recognition and control. By embracing humility, we align ourselves with God’s will and allow Him to exalt us in His time.
Conclusion: Stand Firm in Faith and Humility
Religious narcissists may seem powerful, but their actions and motives are far from the heart of God. Jesus offers us clear guidance on how to respond when we encounter such individuals. By recognizing their hypocrisy, avoiding unrealistic expectations, and focusing on humility, we can remain true to our faith and avoid being manipulated by those seeking narcissistic supply.
I hope this article provided insight into how Jesus’ teachings can help us navigate the complexities of dealing with religious narcissists. If you’ve had a similar experience and would like to learn more, I invite you to watch this video: 3 Unforgettable Things Jesus Said You Should Do When You Encounter Religious Narcissists.
